The Key to Midlife Body Appreciation

It's no secret that body appreciation can be a) super beneficial and b) super hard to find in midlife. Many of my clients report strong frustration and pain that their body isn't changing (read: shrinking) as hoped in relation to their eating and movement goals.

As society relentlessly continues to push images of the ideal aging body, this frustration can feel overwhelming. We see these social media posts and wonder, "How come I don't have that flat stomach at 45? What am I doing wrong?" which can lead us to obsess about weight loss, feeling it is the path to happiness and health. For many, especially women, the link between weight and self-worth can feel leaden with shame- research suggests women pursuing weight loss have lower levels of self-esteem. There are also no long-term studies showing that weight loss "works" to improve our overall health as we age.

Embracing body appreciation helps break this frustration-diet cycle as we learn to celebrate our bodies for what they do, how they feel, and what they give us, and this gratitude opens up access to more joy. But why does it seem so difficult to disconnect from the desire to change our bodies?

As midlife women, why can't we stop with the self-objectification and body shame?

Body appreciation grows the more we are in our bodies fully.

First Step to Cultivate Body Appreciation

For one, where we put our consciousness is a powerful laser. Instead of sitting in gratitude for how our bodies have supported us through various experiences, from raising kids to completing marathons to maintaining friendships, we doom scroll (seeing outlier female bodies) or body check (obsessing over imperfections in our own bodies), making us feel disconnected with our body.

Practicing gratitude by remembering what our bodies have done for us may seem initially silly as a daily morning ritual, for example, but research shows that actually doing the work of practicing gratitude daily increases happiness and decreases body dissatisfaction.

For example, rather than fixating on the number on the scale, when you notice a bad body image automatic thought, list 5 things your body does every day that you are grateful for—from carrying groceries to dancing with your kids to receiving pleasure. The more we do this, the more neural pathways we lay down, and the easier it is to feel gratitude effortlessly.

Body appreciation becomes part of who we are- we begin to embody it.

What is embodiment?

Embodiment is the key to finding joy in our bodies, at any age, but especially as we are witness to our body changing over time. When we begin to embody something, it becomes part of how we are and how we function.

Embodiment is the act of being in our bodies with curious and loving awareness. We all have a SELF that is self-energy, chakra energy, or chi- whatever you prefer to call it. We also have a body, and this body has 4 internal bodies (mental, physical, emotional, energetic). The somatic information (somatic means of the body) we receive from our bodies are the internal felt senses.

Our internal felt senses are all of the ways that we tune into ourselves to find guidance for our actions and how we make sense of the world and ourselves. When we are aware of our senses (thoughts, emotions, intuitive sensations, somatic cues, for example), they act as a beautifully rich resource to access our full power and authentic self/essence. This self-energy is always a peaceful place. There is no judgement- just appreciation and love.

Bringing awareness of our internal senses increases sensitivity to them which makes us more embodied over time. Awareness and engagement with all of them as equal priority helps us find sustained peace with our choices, sense of self, eating, and being in our body through empowered, embodied knowing and healing.

Embodiment allows us to be receptive to the full spectrum of feelings- from pain to elation. This makes us feel more alive in our bodies, awakening us to desires to live or learn or love more deeply.

When we are fully embodied, we have access to more joy.

Cultivating Positive Embodiment

When we worry about our body shape and size in a critical way, we create a sense of disconnection from it. We objectify it. This is being negatively embodied, and we might be less likely to listen to our internal felt senses. This makes it harder to meet our self-care needs- we are in the dark about what they are! We might have a negative body image thought pop up, and we then have the urge to disassociate from this pain by reaching for food or complaining about the body.

Positive embodiment is a “positive body connection and comfort, embodied agency and passion, and attuned self-care”.

To be positively embodied is to be more peaceful and connected, calm and in touch. Positive embodiment can help us have more body appreciation and a deeper sense of who we are and what we need.

Here are five ways to cultivate positive embodiment and therefore body appreciation:

1. Get acquainted with somatic cues: It is helpful to adopt Intuitive Eating practices, such as listening to hunger and fullness cues and noticing with curiosity and openness what cravings arise. This could mean savoring and enjoying a fun food without guilt or it could mean noticing what emotions are present and how they somatically feel when the craving shows up- for example, what somatic cues are underneath this craving? All emotions have somatic cues attached. A couple reflections:

   1. In what ways are you connected to your somatic cues? Physically, how are you experiencing your emotions? How does anxiety, sadness, stress, and happiness manifest in your body?

      
      

2. Detach from thoughts:  Begin noticing your attachment to your thoughts and how being “stuck in your head” can disconnect you from your sense of embodiment and actual needs. In western culture, we often value the masculine energy which favors thinking over the feminine energy which favors feeling. Also, we are not our thoughts. They are there, our self-energy can observe them, decreasing the power they have over us. A couple reflections:

   1. In what ways are you trying to meet your needs using your head vs your body? Examples of this could be “should” language, rules you’ve set for yourself, or any rigidity where you are too much “in your head” instead of being fully embodied.

      
      

3. Practice tuning in, moving, and being in your body:  Turning inward to notice the body more frequently allows us to cultivate a greater sense of our body’s sensations as well as a better ability to tolerate uncomfortable emotions. And using somatic practices, such as massage, exercise, yoga, breathing, or stretching helps us to get to know and fully inhabit our bodies. Mindfulness techniques and somatic practices can be very important in learning to sit with and center yourself around your sense of embodiment.

   1. What techniques or practices do you currently do? What could you begin as a way to lean into a stronger sense of positive embodiment?

      
      

4. Befriending and reinhabiting your body: Feeling like you are held back by your body is a common feeling among those who struggle with a positive sense of embodiment. We can judge our bodies instead of fully inhabiting them. Learning to be curious about our bodies can help us to use it as a resource and fully inhabit it instead of feeling it is a barrier or something to be changed or manipulated. Practice sitting with the feelings and being receptive to them. Listen to the music your body plays as if you are listening to a loved one play a violin.

   1. What beauty does your body hold? How can you learn to treat it with more respect and gentle care?

      
      

5. Notice how you feel when existing in your body:  We also have a sense of proprioception, or how our body feels in space, which can act as a strong intuitive sense when we are tuned into it. How we move in our body, our posture, body language, and if we are freely taking up space can tell us a lot about how we are feeling psychologically. We can work to feel more comfortable taking up space and being present in our bodies.

   1. Is there anything you’d like to change about how you move your body in space, your posture, or your engagement with the world? What is your current comfort with taking up space? Is there anything you’d like to change about your confidence to expand your body’s width or length?

   
   

Check out the Non-Diet Meal Planning Workbook in the STORE.

Joy is in the present

When we are more positively embodied, we will care for our bodies with greater sensitive accuracy. Accessing more joy in our bodies derived from our body connected which grounds us in the here and now- the only place we can truly experience joy!

Learning to befriend our bodies begins with listening.

Empathy dismantles body shame

Gathering like-minded individuals who don't body bash and diet talk can reinforce your journey to body appreciation and love. Empathy decreases shame. As Brene Brown says, "Shame cannot survive being spoken and being met with empathy".

We can give ourselves self-empathy through this body listening, but finding compassionate others to witness our struggles can help us release body shame. A supportive community fosters positivity and encouragement.

Need more support?

Feel like you need support with body healing and self-care and nutrition? I'm also here to help you learn to trust and be in your body, opening the path to sustained embodied self-care. Reach out for a discovery call, and I'd love to be a witness on your path to body appreciation.